Posted by That Hooah Wife on Nov 6, 2009 in
In The Army This isn’t a deployment related post. I’m still in shock over what unfolded yesterday at Ft Hood, TX. The final count today was 13 killed, 31 wounded when a US Army Major opened fire in the Soldier Readiness Facility. For those that don’t know, each post has one of these. It is where soldiers preparing to deploy finalize dental appointments, paperwork, etc, and where soldiers returning home from deployment stop to in process. We are talking about soldiers and families that thought their biggest danger was going to a war zone, and soldiers and families who thought the worst danger was behind them. Attacked by one of their own. Worse, by someone that took a vow of "First do no harm", and by someone in a position of leadership.
The first thing I thought of was my friend Ms Mo and her three girls. They’re stationed there, and her husband is currently deployed. As soon as I heard I fired off a Text message, and breathed a sigh of relief when she replied they were ok. After that I didn’t know what to think.
I’m trying not to speculate along with the press. We just don’t know enough about the guy. I do know it doesn’t matter what his faith was. It doesn’t matter how he was dressed at the 7-11 the night before. He murdered his brothers in arms. He terrified an entire community. He destroyed families. And my thoughts and prayers are with all of those affected by his actions.
Posted by That Hooah Wife on Nov 5, 2009 in
OEF 2009 I know deployments require us to grow a thicker skin. We have to, it’s survival. But If I ever become one of the wives I’ve seen and heard around this place, I’ll divorce my husband myself on the grounds of sparing him the pain of living with me.
I’ve been at the post office alot, and you hear things. Same with the PX, Commissary, whatever. Alot of it just makes my jaw drop. Granted we have a few different deployments going on here, and the Iraq one has way more accessible to the troops themselves than the guys sent to Afghanistan do. But just yesterday I heard one saying she wasn’t going to send her husband anything else. It is too much of a pain to pack it, fill out the forms and go to the post office. He can do without.
Another at the PX was actually telling her friend she was happy to have her husband gone. They were getting on each others nerves too much in the FOUR MONTHS they’d been married.
Then there are the ones that just seem to not have any enthusiasm for their spouse at all. That talk about him like he’s a household pet or something. Maybe it’s all just defense mechanisms or something. But it makes me sad. Especially when I’m mailing boxes, and talking to another spouse and mention that I really enjoy sending packages, or I’ve doodled "I love you" on the box, and get "Oh you must be newlyweds, how long have you been married?". When I answer 17 years it shocks her. I think that’s kind of sad really. Passion, giddiness, and enthusiasm isn’t reserved for the newly married.
Posted by That Hooah Wife on Nov 3, 2009 in
OEF 2009 I’ve never been the worlds best housekeeper. I’m a clutter queen. I’ve also rarely exercised, depending on the good genes I managed to get to keep me looking good. But I’m finding I’m tired of being thin and out of shape. And I’m tired of clutter. So, time to work on new habits.
Every time he goes away, I decide to make something better than when he left. So, that’s the plan here. First of all, for me I have many improvements I want to make cosmetically. I’m doing pretty well with some of it but need to get the total project started.
1. Clear up my skin. I’ve been a clinique girl for 20 years. But like many other GOOD habits I don’t do the facial cleansing consistently. I can be consistent in my BAD habits of course. Go Figure. I started this past weekend making sure I cleanse my face with the 3 Step program at least once per day. I also started putting my makeup on in the morning, after getting caught on webcam without it…lol
2. Full body skin care. Another thing I’ve never concerned myself with. But If I’m going to meet him for R&R in the outfit I planned, I need smooth legs! And if you’re going to work on moothing the skin on your legs, and they compose about 3 feet of your total height like mine, you might as well work on the rest of your skin. Exfoliating body wash by Oil of Olay and moisturizer should do it.
3. Quit letting that Elliptical kick my ass! Keep at it, until it becomes easy. Also started Yoga DVD to relax at night before bed.
4. Hair: Quit using shampoo with built in conditioner. My hair doesn’t like it. Get a cut and color. Nothing drastic, just a trim in layers, and brighten up my natural color (a dark dull brown without highlights)a little. I liked being a redhead but I’d rather have my natural color with a little oomph.
The house comes next.
1. Separate the house into daily zones to really work on that day. The rest is general care. Go front to back, Mon-Fri one section for each day. Weekends off.
2. Clean the damned clutter as I go through those areas the first week.
3. Get things framed that have been waiting for years and hang them up.
We’ll just see how this all goes. I do know in order to do it, and contend with the holidays I need to take some time away from WoW. Not quit all together, but only play when I’m done with the days work. It’s been too easy to just sit here and say "I’ll do it tomorrow" for way too long. And for every full pay period I stick with this, I’ve decided I can allow myself a special treat. Probably Clinique makeup til I rebuild my supply up. First big project is going through my closet and getting rid of stuff I don’t wear. Kids get first choice, the rest goes to the thrift shop!
Posted by That Hooah Wife on Nov 2, 2009 in
OEF 2009 Sometimes staying positive can be a challenge. Some days it’s such a challenge I wonder if I’m up to it. But I always come around. I just can’t dwell on the negative. It does noone any good. Least of all my Husband. Sure it’s good for him to know I miss him, and hate being without him. But it’s more important for him to NOT be worried about how I’m coping. If he is secure in knowing that I’m going to kick this deployment’s ass, he can go about his job without worrying about home. I think I do pretty well most of the time. It’s a challenge to take care of him from a distance but I’ve found a few ways. And since I’ve slacked off on my "5’s" lately. Here’s 5 positive things I do to make HIS life easier/better.
1. When writing letters, I update him on the daily goings on if there are any to report. Which kid got a bad grade, which kid got a stomach bug, which dog crapped in the kitchen (usually HIS dog) that kind of thing. If nothings going on, I go with mushy love letters (so easy to be mushy with him, he brings out the best in me).
2. I’ve started dropping by his facebook and leaving messages. lovey dovey stuff, love songs, cute little graphics, etc. Now that the FOB has an internet cafe set up, he’ll get them. There wasn’t any point before now, but it’s fun.
3. Use my support network. If I need to let loose with a round of whining, or ranting, I have people to text, call, email, IM, etc. I never burden him with it. He knows it happens of course. But he is very much "fix it" kind of guy, like most guys are. It would only frustrate him to not be able to fix it.
4. I listen. Ok, he’ll tell you himself I talk too much. But I can listen. And I’m lucky, in the fact that he will talk to me about the rough stuff he goes through. I love that he does this. First of all because it’s better that he talk about it now than shoving it all down. And second, because no matter what it is he’s facing over there, I’d rather know the brutal truth of what’s going on around him, than be sheltered from it. I know that might sound strange, but knowing how bad things are leaves me with no surprises. I enjoy listening to him, and it feels good to know he knows I can take it.
5. Boxes! I love sending him things. I keep some things kind of secret so I’m the only one sending that particular thing to him. Selfish, maybe but I’m his wife, I get to have special things with him…lol
I still can’t wait until he is home again. I miss doing things for him, and spoiling him rotten. But for now long distance will have to do. Focusing on making him happy has the wonderful side effect of making me happy. Love is a wonderful thing.
Posted by That Hooah Wife on Oct 29, 2009 in
OEF 2009 Get a clue! Or take a lesson from NBC Nightly News.
On Tuesday, our local news on NBC ran a story. Eight soldiers killed in Afghanistan, now here’s the part that makes me mad. FROM FT LEWIS. In the list of things you shouldn’t announce until it’s confirmed, and families are DONE being notified that is a big one. Do you have any idea what that sentence did to me? and likely SEVERAL other families here that heard it? It terrified us!
NBC Nightly news had the respect to NOT mention the brigade, OR even the KIND of unit (local news take note, even just saying "Stryker Brigade" tells us it’s ours…we’re the only damned stryker brigade in that country). They simply said Eight soldiers were killed in Afghanistan. Nothing that would cause the fear that the local news stories did. You see, we don’t get told it wasn’t OUR soldiers, until the families have been notified of their loss. So until we got that email…I was a wreck. I was sick to my stomach, shaking, my anxiety was through the roof. So thank you King 5 news for the most horrible 24 hours of this deployment so far. No idea what the other stations said, I wasn’t watching them. I wouldn’t even have been watching King 5 had I remembered to change the channel at 5:00.
Sometimes getting the story out fast is more detrimental than getting the story out right. The good news is, my husband is ok. The bad news is it was his unit. Again. So while we’re at it…
Dear Mr President,
Please approve that troop surge. The longer you wait, the more dangerous this deployment becomes for our soldiers there. I appreciate that you want to be careful, I do. But the longer you wait, the harder it gets for the guys fighting there that need the support. Including my husband.
Posted by That Hooah Wife on Oct 27, 2009 in
OEF 2009 I have been trying all day to write a letter to my husband. All I have gotten written so far is "Hey Babe!". Why? Because it’s pretty damned hard to put a positive spin on anything when all I have is "I’m lonely, I’m scared, I’m tired".
I was doing fine until I got the email that we are having a stress management briefing next week. No, it isn’t what it sounds like. It’s to prepare us for what to expect during R&R. What to expect when our husbands come home after going through what I can only call "hell" for the first few months they were there. I have done a GREAT job of keeping my mind off the worries about PTSD. He didn’t experience any the last time. But the last time was not an experience like this. This is when it hits me, that noone experiences the deployment cycle the way the spouse (or someone that lives with the soldier) does. Noone.
I have it in my face twenty four seven. It’s there when I got to bed, and remember I’m sleeping alone. It’s there when I make dinner and have to remind myself to cook enough for three, not four. To only get three dishes out. It’s there at 5pm sharp when I think I need to get his coffee ready when he gets home. It’s there when I’m upset and need HIM to make me feel better. Sometimes noone else will do. It’s there when things get out of hand with the girls and I have noone there to back me up. It’s there when the phone rings or someone comes to the door and I whisper a prayer before answering.And it’s even there when something really great happens and the one person I want to share it with, I can’t. It’s there for better and worse. It’s like having an invisible force trying it’s best to crush me. It never goes away, I can only do my best to ignore it.
So this notice of the briefing coming up, although I’m grateful we get them, (unlike generations past), just served to remind me that it may not end when he gets home. We that live with a soldier have a worry in the back of our minds, that not only do we worry about living without them, we worry about what living WITH them will be like. Sure people always change during trying times. That isn’t what these briefings are for. This isn’t about "oh he came home and he’s wanting to take back over". It’s not about Us becoming more independent and them feeling left out. No. The worry is, do they come home having nightmares, flashbacks, depression, anxiety. Is that nice, patient quiet, funny guy going to come back angry, quick to temper, super serious, and suffering. DRASTIC changes. And I don’t mean I’m worried that it’ll happen. I’m MORE worried I won’t know how to help HIM if it does.
As I said a while back, if it happens we deal with it. But sometimes, I just don’t want the knowledge of "what could be" all up in my face. For now, I have a list of expectations for R&R of my own.
1. He’ll want to eat something besides MRE’s
2. He’ll want to sleep in a real bed.
3. He’ll want to stay asleep in said bed LATE>
4. He’ll want to relax.
5. He’ll want to be with me and the girls.
Posted by That Hooah Wife on Oct 26, 2009 in
He and I,
OEF 2009 Yesterday was October 25. And I said when it came I would answer Bre’s Question. So here goes.
October 25, 1991, I was 17 and four days earlier had ended a fairly bad relationship. But in typical "me" fashion, I sucked it up, and got over it. This night, I was hanging out with friends at the mall. In the town we lived in, this was about the only thing us teenagers had to do on weekends. upon arriving, I ran into my best friend Tiffi, and stopped to talk.
Now, There was this guy, Ken, who I’d seen hanging out there almost every weekend for at least the last year. He had the most beautiful blue eyes I have ever seen. And he always had a hug for anyone that wanted one. I’d always thought he was hot, but he was always just out of reach. The first and only time we almost got to talk he got kicked out of the mall by an angry mall cop. I was sitting with a group of friends, and Kevin (Who by the way, Ironically enough, is married to my sister in law now!), one of Ken’s friends told him to come sit with us. Unfortunately Mister Mall Cop had just told Ken "and don’t move again!". So when he came to sit right beside me…that asshole threw him out of the mall. I was soooo close, but my chance was snatched away.
But on October 25, 1991 I had my chance. Ken walks up to where Tiffi and I are, and he hugs her, he hugs me, and he stands there one arm around each of us. Tiffi says to him "hey, I’m supposed to hook you up with one of my friends". I, the LEAST forward and flirtatious among my friends, said "How ’bout me??". And Ken, in his typical, laid back, easy going way simply says…"ok". That was it. OK. Tiffi eventually forgave me for hijacking her match making attempt too…thanks Tiff!
We started going out that night, and for the next year. We had our ups and downs, and close calls. But on October 25th 1992, He gave me the surprise of my life. you see, my grandmother had an engagement ring. It was meant to be given to the man I would marry. However, she told me at one point she had sold it. I was a bit disappointed but I knew she was having a hard time so I understood.
That night, Ken came to my house. He asked me to go put on one of my formal dresses. I looked at him with a raised eyebrow, but did it anyhow. He then led me to my bedroom, put me up on my desk stool. And he turned on some music. My eyes are closed, as requested, when I hear him ask me to marry him. And I feel something being put on my finger. When I said yes, in tears, I opened my eyes, to see my grandmother’s diamond ring on my finger. I immediately flew out the door, grabbed the phone, and called my grandmother to tell her what a sneaky old woman she was. That’s when Ken followed me and said he wasn’t done yet! I hung up, and he took me back to my room, where he formally asked me to dance. And this was the song.
Three months later, I found out I was pregnant with our first daughter. We were 19, he was working in fast food, we had very little. When he came to my house after work, and I told him I was pregnant…he again reacted with his typical no panic, laid back "ok". He’s always been my rock. Even as young as we were, he’s always been the one to stay calm, and wait for me to stop panicking about something, and we work it out.
Until I met him, I’d never cried out of pure happiness, I didn’t know what love really was. And this may be TMI, but even though I’d lost my virginity a few years before, I didn’t know what all the fuss was about sex. I didn’t understand "making love" until I met him. 18 years later, he still shows me every day what love really is. We’ve been through it all, and nothing has broken us. I still feel like I did 18 years ago, only stronger.
Could I live without him? There’s no way.
Posted by That Hooah Wife on Oct 23, 2009 in
OEF 2009 15 days without blogging. Epic fail there. Things have just been running together like wet paint around here so I’m not even going to try to recap the last 15 days. I’ll settle for this week.
Monday wasn’t bad. It was probably the best day of the whole week. Nothing happened. Nothing at all. Oh, I think that’s when my new Mattress was delivered…no wait that was Tuesday.
Tuesday sucked. The youngest kid woke up with a stomach bug. That was just the start of hell week. But my Mattress arrived and it is hella comfy so, I guess it worked out.
Wednesday was a day I just wanted to give back to the week and start over. Kid was still sick, then I found out Hubby was online and I MISSED IT! Thank you for failing to send texts to my cell phone facebook. Really appreciate it. I decided I’d play WoW for a while and try and get my mind off missing that message. Knowing, that it’s going to be another two weeks til he’s anywhere near phones and computers again, this was no easy task. That’s when someone I considered a friend, that we’ve known since we moved here went completely over the edge and destroyed any friendship there was over a simple misunderstanding we had Sunday night in game. Including blaming me for a conversation that never happened in which I refused to apologize and told him that if he said anything to the rest of our guild (In game playing group) I’d kick him out of it. It’s really hard to prove a conversation never took place. I can save conversations in the game, but not one that never took place.
I remember my Grandmother doing this to me, and as much as I admired her, and still do…it was a very scary situation. This brought me right back to that place and I just can’t deal with it. Not with everything else. I apologized for what I DID do wrong, but I refuse to say I’m sorry for something that never happened. I wish I was the only one this affected, but unfortunately I’m not. It affected everyone who was online playing that night when he attacked me in the public chat area, it affected the smaller group I was working with when I had to leave the group because I was too upset to continue, and it leaves my husband without a ride from the airport when R&R comes around. But he’ll get here, somehow or another, and I’ll meet him at the airport if I have to walk.
The sad thing is, I could have and should have kicked him the minute he started drama in guild chat. That’s my job as an officer, to enforce the rules. But how could I at that point? If I did, I’d just validate his claim of a nonexistent conversation, if I don’t I’m failing at enforcing the rules. There was no winning decision to make. I just have to go hands off.
So that was Wednesday. Worst day of the week so far. Thursday, Youngest kid still sick so off to the Doc we go. He said it was a tummy bug, I’d done all the right things (light meals, fluids, rest), and since she was now wanting Burger King she was pretty much over it, just get her stomach slowly back to eating normally.
Today…Daisy has a vet appointment. This will be my longest trip yet. I have to drive over to the Air Force base next door. Luckily I can avoid I5 completely. Here’s hoping I don’t get lost, and the scabby thing on her back isn’t anything major.
Fingers Crossed.
Posted by That Hooah Wife on Oct 7, 2009 in
OEF 2009 I’m no longer a walking ball of stress. I’ve finally gotten to my "Zen" place in this deployment. It took a little longer than expected and I was really frustrated about it. Mainly because I’m impatient with myself. Whenever I’ve decided to learn something, I expect to understand it and be good at it immediately. Hubby has endured the ranting and raving that comes with that every time I’ve tried something new. This website, games, you name it.
I know it sounds strange to read that with my husband in a war zone I’m calm. But I finally had to recognize that I have no control over anything but me, my kids and my home. I can’t control communication, or whatever else happens over there, all I can do is deal with it. Recognizing that, and putting it to use is probably what will keep me sane the next several months. That and looking forward to his R&R, and after that his return. Knowing that we’ll be together for at least 12 months before we deal with this again.
And we will deal with this again. It’s inevitable. It’s what he does.
On the homefront, no more migraines! And the med they gave me to try and stop my random muscle pains is working. Hard to believe that all the stuff I’ve complained about the last couple years could all be related to ONE disorder. The itching ears, the IBS, the depression, anxiety, insomnia, fatigue (I swear by 4pm I was ready for bed most days). And I didn’t realize that the aches and pains were that plentiful until they stopped this last few days with the Neurontin. I just sighed and ignored them as best I could. I mean they weren’t crippling pains, I figured I was just getting older and out of shape. I know people with Fibromyalgia, and they’re pain is really bad. Mine wasn’t. I figured no way that’s what it could be for me. I haven’t felt this normal in ages. It’s kinda awesome.
Posted by That Hooah Wife on Sep 29, 2009 in
Kids,
OEF 2009 A very strange thing has happened in our household. My oldest and I have had the same headache, for the same time period, with the same symptoms. B told me Thursday or Friday she had a headache. I gave her 2 advil, and she never mentioned it again. Friday mine started. Ugh it was awful. I couldn’t shake it for anything. I threw everything at it. Advil, decongestants (the pain was all behind my eyes). Nothing worked until Saturday when I took Excedrin Migraine. But it still came back. So Monday, I went to the doc. She ordered bloodwork, and Thursday I have a head CT.
After dinner last night, B looks miserable. I ask her what was wrong and she says headache. This time I ask if her stomach is upset. She says kind of. Well, the clinic is closed at this point. So my choices are the ER/Fast Track, or wait til today and get in at the clinic. I opted for the ER. Since at this point we both have this thing, I’m worried about something contagious. They take her in, do bloodwork, CT, give her IV fluids, and eventually a cocktail of toradol, compazine and benadryl before releasing her with a migraine diagnosis 4 hours later.
So far today she feels fine, fingers crossed for her that it stays gone. I have some pressure still, like mine’s gonna return. Ugh. I was told by her nurse that the ER was the better choice because they can do everything at the visit. Unlike the clinic which schedules the CT. Of course that cocktail of drugs would have rendered me unable to drive home, so the ER wouldn’t be a good choice for me.
It’s just so strange that it hit us both at the same time. I have no explanation. The youngest is unaffected. It was just us. Barometric pressure changes? Misalignment of the planets? Who knows. Lets just hope it goes away and stays away.