Posted by That Hooah Wife on Sep 24, 2009 in OEF 2009
Best news of the last few days? hubby finally called. We were going on three weeks so that was quite a relief. Bad news, he’s cheating on the dog. It’s cute bad news tho. It seems they have a dog that has attached herself to them. She follows them on patrol, alerts them when people are nearby. They call her "Regulator". I think it’s awesome. Shadow however remains unimpressed.
Not so cute possibly bad news, as it stands there aren’t enough slots for everyone to get R&R. Hopefully this changes. And if not hopefully he gets his. Though I know my husband, and if there’s someone that needs it more (new baby they haven’t seen, baby’s due date, that kinda thing), he’ll hand it over. And I’d understand if he did. The important thing is he’s ok, he sounded great, not down at all.
On the homefront…a few changes to my list of changes have been made. First, the supplement for mood balance…never again. I spent Monday feeling very crappy and useless. This led to me deciding to hold off on taking Chantix to quit smoking. It does have some nasty side effects, and with me being the only adult here, I can’t afford to be dealing with that AND the deployment.
My left leg is still bugging me. Spasms yesterday on the inner joint where my thigh meets my pelvis, pins and needles the whole way down. Yuck. My bet is my Sciatic, and/or the family "Left hip curse" as I like to call it. No, I’m not making an appointment. If it gets to where I’m limping I’ll go to the ER where maybe they’ll actually look harder at it, rather than saying hmmm take advil and send me on the referral trampoline. Today isn’t too bad, it’s a little stiff (possibly from yesterdays problems). Looks like a new mattress might be a good choice too.
Posted by That Hooah Wife on Sep 20, 2009 in OEF 2009
I don’t like to harp on the communication from Hunny, or lack thereof. I know the drill now, I know to expect these long bouts of silence where I have to live with my only knowledge of his health and welfare being "No News is Good News". But that doesn’t make yesterday marking two weeks since I last talked to him suck any less. I figure it can’t be much longer.
I’ve made some pretty good changes this last few days. I bought the right foods to start eating a little better. Mostly this consists of keeping bottled water around (something in our tap water triggers my IBS), replacing everything possible with whole grains. That part was amazingly easy. For example, most cereals now, including the sugary ones now contain whole grains and fiber. Velveeta shells and cheese has a rotini variety that includes whole grain pasta, and has acceptable amounts of vitamins. Adding a vegetable to every meal is another thing. Yes, this means I can make Mac n Cheese with a veggie and call it a healthy dinner. For our intents and purposes it is. None of us are really watching calories.
The trick for me is to still be making simple meals my family enjoys, without breaking the bank or taking away things they enjoy. Such as sloppy joes, mac n cheese, Spaghetti, hot dogs and fries. Rather, I add better things to them. Whole Grain buns, whole grain pasta and home made sauce, vegetables (Frozen, never canned). So far it’s working well.
After the run around I’ve had with tricare (our health insurance/network) I had no other option. I finally had the nerve to go in and talk to someone about some issues I’ve had for years. Mostly anxiety, mood swings, and depression. I’m not ashamed at all, I inherited them from my maternal grandmother. Shit happens. However, first you see the counselor. She says yep, sounds like bipolar and anxiety attacks. Then comes the BUT. We can’t prescribe for family members, only soldiers. Instead I’m referred to a program on post for dependants. Oh, but they can only do therapy. You’ll still need prescriptions, call and get an off base referral for that.
I was also having a pain in my thigh. I got referred to Physical Therapy. PT bounced the referral back to family medicine. It didn’t seem to be in their specialty…without ever seeing me.
So, my approach was to fix my diet. Add some vitamins (women’s Ultra Mega is great, thank you Ms Mo). Add some good sources of vitamins and minerals (v8 Fusion Blueberry and Pomegranate is AMAZING). Eat 3 meals per day, rather than nothing until dinner time. Yes, bad habit I know. Cut out soda, well I did that a while ago. I DID manage to get a consultation appointment for the stop smoking drug, Chantix. Not sure if I’m really ready for it’s side effects though. In the mean time, I have cut down drastically by not smoking in the house at all.
I also picked up a supplement called 5-HTP to balance moods. So far, so good I must say. The pains in my thigh are decreasing in frequency. I also have to wonder if the fact that I spend nearly all day in slippers with no support to my feet at all is contributing. Soon I’ll start walking in short amounts, and build up the distance. Eventually, once my system is used to all of this, I’ll move up to using my elliptical, and even maybe a yoga class at the gym.
Pleasant surprise, I lost 20 pounds since Hunny left in July. No, this isn’t unhealthy for me, I have always averaged 120. But without him here to send to burger king and mcdonalds several times a month, I’ve been eating less fat. Hopefully all this eating healthier and cooking healthier becomes habit and I don’t slip back when he gets home.
That’s pretty much all I’ve done that last few days. I feel pretty high maintenance right now, but if things become good habits, it’ll just feel normal in the long run right? I’m making myself my project for the deployment I guess. Here’s hoping it’s a success.
Posted by That Hooah Wife on Sep 16, 2009 in OEF 2009
I know, I know, this isn’t daily. I just keep getting busy and not having time! Not even busy with anything fun, or exciting.
I DID go to my appointment with the counselor. After an hour of talking, they hit me with the "we refer off post for treatment". yeah. Great. Sure, you SEEM to be bipolar and have anxiety, but we don’t do that here. Bite me. I’ve managed THIS long, I’ll manage longer. I’m also looking into natural ways to deal with it. Before I commit to anything, I’m going to start with the basics. Diet, and exercise.
Other than that, nothing much happening on the homefront.
1. Over 2 weeks with no bad news for our battalion.
2. That Eliptical that is on display, and the last one the PX has, while cheap, and already put together is NOT a brilliant idea. Yes it’s put together already, but how are you going to get it OUT of the truck bed at home?? Not one of my brightest moves. Luckily, one of the few NOT deployed soldiers was walking down my street.
3. Wearing your bluetooth handsfree device totally makes it safe to talk to yourself while shopping.
4. We have vampire spiders
5. 2 months down!
6. One of my letters was returned to me, apparently they are unfamiliar with the address at which the Husband is residing. Idiots.
That’s about it from the last four days. Tomorrow…Groceries. Woo Friggin Hoo.
Posted by That Hooah Wife on Sep 11, 2009 in OEF 2009
So today is the day. Eight years ago, the worst attack on US soil since Pearl Harbor. It’s no secret it changed my life, and that of my husband and kids. It spurred him to enlist in the Army. That change has been both good and difficult, but I’m still so proud of him for doing something he believed in.
Today, on the 8th anniversary of 9/11, he is in Afghanistan fighting against the same extremists that attacked our country, one of those sites (Shanksville) only an hour from where we lived. And here at home, we have to fight against those that would degrade the mission he is on, who protest not only the war in Iraq, but the one in Afghanistan, where these brutal attacks originated. Have they forgotten?
Today is why our soldiers are fighting over there. Today, as every day, I’m again reminded what a brave man I married. Even though I miss him so much it physically hurts at times, I support what he’s doing, and what his friends are doing. Our country is a safer place, because of those willing to take the fight to the enemy. Because of their willingness (and that of their families)to sacrifice to keep the fight away from our shores.
When I am having a hard time accepting him being gone, and it happens, All I have to do is remember.
Posted by That Hooah Wife on Sep 10, 2009 in OEF 2009
So I missed a few days didn’t I? I suddenly got busy. Tuesday was last minute school supply shopping, and a housing inspection. They come once a year to check out our appliances and furnace. Of course my appointment was "between 7 and 11am" so my last day to sleep in wasn’t. By the time the day ended I was ready for bed.
Wednesday was the first day of school! That was a relief for all of us. Of course my routine is all out of whack now, but starting Monday I’ll get it back. I hope anyhow.
Today I spent mostly playing my game and trying to relax. My jaw is finally not hurting. Hopefully it stays that way. To be honest, I have nothing worth blogging about. We do the same things day in and day out. I feel a little better about dealing with things as each day passes. Accepting that I have no control was a big help. We’ve gone a full week without bad news, that’s a really good thing.
The days go by faster with school being back, even though I am up earlier than summer, it still goes by much faster than it was. I try to no think how long it will be until I see him again, because it is truly daunting still. Instead I’m focusing on what I can do with the coming pay to make things awesome when he gets back. And that’s my 5 things for today.
1. TV and cable in the bedroom. The kids stay up later these days, as they get older. And sometimes I, when it’s just me, and we when he’s home, just need some peace and quiet, and time to ourselves.
2. A new bed. Ours is going to collapse if I use it much longer. I’m hoping to find a nice headboard and frame set that suits us.
3. Get some pictures framed that I’ve been putting off for years.
Posted by That Hooah Wife on Sep 7, 2009 in OEF 2009
I had myself an epiphany today. I am not in control. I am NOT in control. And that is OK. I can’t sit here and dwell on the "What If" anymore. All I can do is deal with the "What Is". Obviously there will always be a worry, with a soldier deployed in a war zone. But BESIDES that, there’s things I just can’t dwell on. Such as…
1. What if he gets hurt? I love him, I support him, I take care of him.
2. What if he develops PTSD? I Love him, I support him, I take care of him, even if it means kicking his ass til he gets help.
3. What if he changes? Well, he’s loved me through several changes that weren’t all for the better (friggin hormones and brain chemicals!). For Better, For Worse, I love him.
Posted by That Hooah Wife on Sep 6, 2009 in OEF 2009
I got a surprise phone call this afternoon. It seems they were allowed to use the phones again for 10 minutes a piece. Best 10 minutes I’ve had all week let me tell you. I asked if he was ok he said yeah, I asked if he was dealing with his loss ok, and he replied he has other soldiers to take care of and can’t afford to dwell on it. I guess that’s a good way to look at it at the moment. What else can ya do right? He did sound good. That’s enough for now.
I need to focus on some things myself. I need to get my dental problems fixed before he returns home. It would be a huge boost for my confidence, and a nice surprise for him to have a wife that is no longer afraid to smile fully, and doesn’t mind going out in public. But it isn’t going to be easy to figure out.
1. I need a dentist that accepts my insurance, has reasonable rates, and uses general anesthesia. Novocain and nitrous don’t do it for me. My anxiety negates their effects, and leaves me with a more painful recovery.
2. I’ll need a ride to and from said dentist, plus to the pharmacy for the follow-up prescriptions that usually accompany trips to the dentist.. Living on post makes that a challenge.
3. I’ll likely need another ride to and from the dentist to pick up bridges/plates/whatever they use.
4. I’d LIKE someone to be able to hang out here for a little while to help me deal with kids and dogs and such. It won’t be an easy recovery I’m sure.
5. I need tax time to get here quickly so I can do all of this before his R&R (Hoping for our anniversary, since that’s what he requested). Noone wants to be sore and swollen when their husband is visiting. Since even with insurance there will be a crap ton of out of pocket expense, this is my only chance to do it.
Ya know what really chaps my ass about all of this? If a woman were to be flat chested, and it affected her self confidence to a degree that it interfered with her marriage, the army will sometimes cover the enhancement, with the dependant paying for the implants themselves.
Why can’t they do the same for something as important as dental. I have TMJ disorder. My jaw hurts like a mofo. But there is no treating that until I can chew like a normal human being. And even then…that falls under dental too. Which involves the above mentioned crap ton of out of pocket expense.
I bet half of my depression would be gone if this was taken care of. Between having a smile that I am NOT happy with (bad dental work in my 20’s), and the nagging pain, it’s kinda hard to keep my mood up. And I avoid going out of my house like the plague.
Posted by That Hooah Wife on Sep 5, 2009 in OEF 2009
I have no temper tantrums today. Well, I do, but there the same ones I ave every day, so not really worth repeating. Instead I have random thoughts. Some things that have only just started to make sense to me.
1. Why on earth do I miss him so much more this time? I’ve been asking myself that daily and only just figured it out. I "saw" him almost every day the last time. We had almost daily time together on webcam and instant messenger. Big fat Duh to me eh?
2. I was reading an article about PTSD, and how less soldiers see it as a weakness to get help than they used to. And that’s good of course. And it dawned on me, anyone with an issue relating to depression, anxiety, etc can feel that way. I’m guilty of it myself. My grandmother was bipolar, and had anxiety. I have the symptoms, but hate the thought of needing medication to be "me". But then I realize I’m tired of "me" being buried for these long periods of time under this layer of…monotone I guess. Think Eeyore. Remember how he always sounded unenthused about everything? That’s me all to often. And it doesn’t matter if hubby is deployed or not. The fact is, it takes a huge amount of guts to make that appointment.
3. When the Sound of Music comes on tv…I can’t not watch it. Why???
4. I finally signed up for Netflix. Their selection doesn’t impress me.
5. I am getting cable in my bedroom. As soon as I can afford a small TV too.
Posted by That Hooah Wife on Sep 4, 2009 in OEF 2009
Why is the post office on this BIG post no bigger than the one at my last little post?
And Why must I always get there the same time as Fussy McPickypants is working the counter? The line reaches outside daily. And this woman is constantly giving each customer remedial how to mail stuff classes. Which hold up the line something awful.
Today, I’m mailing the laptop right? She asks me where the battery is. Well…it’s in the laptop. I totally should have just said in the box, curse my overdeveloped sense of honesty. She tells me, that FAA regs restrict the transport of batteries IN devices because they could blow up. Ok, when is the last time you saw a passenger on an airplane being told no, you can’t bring your laptop on board with the battery. I waited an hour in line, only to be sent back to repack it.
I went back, waited another half hour in line to get it sent before the holiday. Crazy. Then I thought, hey I’m already out I’ll go Grocery shopping. Oh hell no. Not a SINGLE parking place. It’s a case lot sale, and payday week, AND a holiday weekend.
So I gave up, came home, ate leftover pizza, ordered Bolt on pay per view for my youngest and called it quits on being a grown up.
Posted by That Hooah Wife on Sep 3, 2009 in OEF 2009
Yes, I know I promised pictures today. The closest I got was cleaning my gear and putting it away. I spent ALL DAY screwing with my computer video card. First of all ATI drivers are the most miserable things to install. Second, somewhere between my old card and my new card my monitor drivers changed and lost my good resolution, which means basically my screen looked like crap. I got it back at one point, then it vanished again. I have swapped cards back and forth at least twice today. Knock on wood, it’s working with the new one now. I bought this computer from Dell and had it built specifically so I could upgrade parts instead of the whole PC, man did I jump in the deep end.
Hubby’s laptop arrived today. Superfast service from Dell. Once the other part gets here tomorrow I can seal this box and send it off. I need to start planning his birthday box. I have a few ideas, but can’t say them here. He may not have net YET, but he eventually will and I’m not taking any chances.
And the movie I want to watch is on. It’s times like this I wish I had cable in my room. I swear I’ll get better with these entries, the days just keep getting away from me. But that’s a good thing!